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2018 Is Gone... What Did I Learn?

Looking back on 2018 there are many things that didn't go as planned. At first that may seem like a bad thing like the result of poor execution. However, I understand that I don't have control over everything...or anything for that matter. I simply try and when I hit a wall, I revaluate and keep moving forward.

In 2018 I saw a point where I almost died. Like really, almost died. No, it wasn't of embarrassment or because I made a social faux pas. It was because I contracted sepsis due to a blockage in my bile duct. It was a strange out of body experience and I didn't understand the gravity of it until it was over. It taught me that follow through is important and to always trust my gut. If I made a decision to give in to my pain I proably wouldn't be here to write this. Things can be decided in a single moment that can alter...forever. I have so much to be thankful for.

I also decided to start this here blog in April because I didn't want to leave this place with regrets. I was pretty consistent except for that period between October and December: my last post speaks to that. However, I didn't want to give up so here I am starting off 2019 with purpose. I tend to start things but don't finish them, like to counts that I tried in the long run. I have a ton of information, useless and otherwise, that may help people like me that just need direction. So I will keep writing until I feel that I have exhausted that outlet.

Last year also taught me to be more aware. Since I have been ill things kind of been a blur. I was present in the flesh but absent in the mind. I was busy trying to keep myself upright and basically pleasent. Pain is an all incompassing entity and I understand the hold it is has on the body and the mind. However, I also understand that there are certain rabbit holes that I don't want to go down, no matter the cost. I serve the Lord with my mind and I will not sacrifice it for temporal absence of pain.

I laughed more, not to hide but because I remembered and enjoyed. I loved more deeply and more perfectly. I sought to understand my heart and my motives. I saw myself for the person that I am and went in to my heart to dismantle strong holds. Overall, I just want to be a better person, not just one consumed with the, 'why me' of the world but one who will accept that this is me and be stronger for it. I removed focused from myself and my plight and desired to be present f0r others.

I turned 40 last year and I wanted to accomplish so much but where it looks like I only made a few steps of progress, I actually scaled the mountain of learning about myself. I am not not a peak but made a dent. That gain is not something that I can quantify but it was worth more than a higher tax bracket or even post views.

In 2019 I want to continue that momentum and see whatelse I can conquer. I accept that it will not be me running a marathon or even a 5K but I know that there is value in every accomplishment, no matter how small. I am not a resolution type of person but I am an evaluator. Leave the bad stuff in the rearview mirror, move on and carry on only what is needful. 2019 seems like a year where we all need to pack light and leave excess baggage behind. What are your 2018 reflections and what did you learn? As always...

One day at a time

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