Entering in 2026

I didn't want to start 2026 with the typical, "New Year, new me!", trope. It wouldn't be authentic to me because a new year doesn't make a difference on my situation. My mindset and how I receive and process a thing, determines if there is change. I decided to look at a new year as a time to reflect and review. I look at what went wrong, what I can improve on and what went right. Let's explore what I found.

What Went Wrong

Toxic Mindset: I started here because I want to get it out of the way and move on to progress and positivity. I saw that my mindset was stuck in a place that didn't allow for appreciation of what I had accomplished, contentment and growth. I found that I looked ahead at the possibilities of what I could do and held on top the past of what I used to be able to do and completely disregarded my reality. I acknowledged that I was declining but I still held on to hope that I could regain what I lost. Being positive became almost toxic because I wouldn't accept, what I deemed as failure. I could not enjoy my small gains because I magnified where I fell short. I held myself back from making and executing plans because I was holding out for when I, "felt better". Whatever, that meant was a moving target that I was never able to reach. I put myself in a perpetual bad mood which cut me off from myself and what I wanted. I meant went but I got so consumed with the pursuit of getting better that I forgot how to live in the moment and find joy. I found that I could not keep track of anything and lost motivation to prioritize myself overall. Bad things did happen but instead of checking in and reevaluating, I found myself just getting in a deep rut and ignoring my needs. It's odd that I found two opposing mindsets living within me. But I found them and reconciled them and that was the best part. With all of the down time that I had in 2025, I learned to check in and listen to what I needed and to reset.

What I Can Improve On

Showing up for myself is the top of that list. I need to make myself a priority in a way that doesn't shut out everyone else and everything. I find joy in collaboration, and I find love being around others and providing care when I can. But I do need to give myself the same grace and love. Enjoy the little things and live in the moment. I used Matthew 6:34 as a reference to remind myself to stop thinking about the what ifs and the possibilities of the future. I do trust in God, and I show that by allowing myself to concern myself with what is in front of me. Tomorrow will take care of itself and everything that I need is here and now. So today, became the most important. I need a reminder but once I locked into this idea, I found my mojo again. I found my true smile. This old flesh has its complaints for one thing or another, but I can't let it dominate me all the time. I need to get back to writing things down. Digital systems are cool, but nothing imprints on my brain like pen to paper. I found a cute notebook that I started for 2025, and it had a list of things that I wanted to achieve by year's end. My keyword was consistency, but I found that I was consistent in being inconsistent. I saw that I didn't keep up and was ready to scrap my goals for 2025 in March! That all or nothing mindset has truly been one of my biggest hinderances and that needs to change in 2026. I need to seek more time for selfcare. This is a biggie because it means that I need to budget for it because I plan to seek to outsource more services. I acknowledge my decline, but I don't want to skimp on caring for myself. My birthday is in less than a month and I plan to treat myself. With what? I have no idea 😂. I just want to make myself a priority.

What Went Right

I started to feel settled in my home. Yes, it has been 3 years, but I didn't feel at home just yet. I had this feeling that this was all temporary and that it would soon go away. See, it's that mindset again. I managed to break through that a bit and see my home as a sanctuary. I made small changes that had a great impact. I choose things that felt right and fit the space that I wanted. I made a post about it because it was such a transition for me. I also noticed that I became more honest in my struggles. I would, "I am fine.", my own self to death and never acknowledge what was going on inside. But this year, I said that I am not ok and I need help! This was more directed to medical professionals because they see this, seemingly, well-adjusted person in front of them. She looks and smells nice and has a smile when she comes in. She doesn't complain much even though she says that the medicine is not working and that she is in pain. But I don't look the part. Well, I took that and threw it in the garbage this year. From the beginning of 2025 all of my appointments started with, "I AM NOT OK!". This had to be a shock for my regular Doctors, but I needed to be vulnerable and not be afraid of how I would be labeled. I am chronically ill, constantly in pain, I can't function well and there is a decline. I need something to do be done and I was not willing to wait. As a result, I saw some movement in care, but the biggest change was that I felt better because I was not carrying that on the inside anymore. I said yes to a few things and meant it. I also said yes to a few things and hated it. But the experience was valuable, nonetheless. The final thing and overall win for 2025, was that I became realistic. No, I am not getting better health wise and had new diagnoses and had to be out of work over 4 months BUT I eventually learned to slow down, find what I need, find my voice, see the joy and be truly content. OH, OH and you are reading this post. There were several made in 2025 and that was not by accident. It was a result of saying more yeses than nos.

My desire for 2026 is to take each day and build on it for the next. I hope to do more and show more of what living with all this stuff is like because we can still live. Yes, there will awareness posts and how I handle my illnesses. But I wanted to get into posting about those things too. This is the life is a lot but there is still joy to be had.

Until Next Time 🩵