Take.... I Forgot How Many...I'm Back

This is an extremely rough entrance back to my blog. I have wanted to get back in numerous times and was very optimistic too. I had lots of new updates and research and even more updates. Alas POTS wouldn't let me be great. I wanted this to be so much and share so much but I forgot that I just wanted this to be a safe space on the internet for people who were searching, like me. I got bogged down with wanted to include it all, that I included nothing because it wasn't, "just right". Well, we have ditched that model. I can be carefully curated or be just me. I chose just me because POTS and chronic illness just are and don't care about my goals, or yours. So here I am back at it.

Why? you ask, after so long? I had posts and I deleted them but honestly, this set of illnesses have been more then I can handle, and this blog was at the end of a long list of things to do. But before I got to the end, I had nothing left. Besides this, I work full time, I help moderate two groups for a Dysautonomia non-profit, I am a mom albeit to two adults, but they need me, I have outside obligations that are non-negotiable, I decided to own a home, and I never even mentioned caring for myself. This blog is truly a passion project because when my life started spiraling, I felt alone in this world because I didn't have medical support, no resources and no one who looked like me dealing with these things. I didn't let the last one deter me because I am used to being in rooms or situations like that. Still, I felt alone in this plight for my health.

For a few years I felt that I had a handle on my life. Let me take that back. I felt that I could roll with the punches because they were definitely being thrown. I was so close to filing for disability because I could no longer handle going into to work AND working. Please do not skip past that statement lightly. This is for the people NOT physically affected by a chronic illness. I could no longer bear getting ready to go to work, getting to work AND working. Most days, by the time that I got there, I was done for the day. I used up all my energy. The windup toy had sputtered out. I kept taking off or leaving early and I knew that I had to make a decision because my job did not offer work from home. When it all became too much, I consulted a Disability Lawyer who told me that I had a case BUT I still worked full time and I couldn't. I mean, I barely did but still I needed to be part time or on disability from work. While making a decision that would affect my life and the life of my family, something truly unexpected happened. Well two unexpected somethings, the pandemic happened and the job that drew a hard line about working from home quietly erased it and I have been home ever since. These events extended my work career.

What brought me back to the blog? you say. Two people who don't know each other but have come to know me pretty well in different capacities. They both encouraged me to keep going. One knew about the blog and suggested that I restart it. I considered it and even started writing in my own handy dandy notebook, but I wanted too much all at once and burnt myself out before I started. Then recently, a person who was a complete stranger to me seven weeks ago, listened to me talk about Dysautonomia and my struggles with it but also my care to help others living with it. My passion never waned. She suggested that I start a blog go or on social media. I told her that I had a blog and she too encouraged me to get back at it. I've been looked for something to do to spread awareness and to help people and I had it at my fingertips all this time. So, I am back. Cautiously optimistic. I do have so much to share, and I will just weave it in as I go because I can't spend 40 posts dedicated to my chronicles. So, let's go.

Until we meet again🩵